Innovative job application or audition for Monsters Inc?

So why oh why did I ever think it was a good idea?

Well, it did seem like a good idea at the time, in fairness…

And I was sick to tears of the endless round of sending out my tweaked-to-death CV plus groanworthily enthusiastic cover letter to reams of potential employers, only to get a deafening silence back in response.

And I thought it would make these damn job people sit up and notice me.

But, as ever, with the luxury of hindsight, you realise just how wrong you can be.

So what happened was I decided that it would be a fantastic and original idea to prepare a VIDEO application for three noteworthy-sounding jobs here in NYC – two teaching jobs, and one magazine editorial job, instead of the aforementioned time-honoured job application method. Like a kind of cover letter come alive.

This way, I thought, those upbeat, optimistic, initiative-rewarding American employers-to-be would see me for who I am, would welcome my original, hands-on approach (and offer me a job at the end of it, naturally).

So I wrote a script, detailing all my achievements and so on and why I was just the perfect candidate for the job and so on.

I then filmed myself using a webcam with the script directly on the screen in front of me, and just slightly behind the webcam.

After some help from techwhizz hubbie, I managed to edit the three video recordings, upload them and then send off my application to the three jobs with a nifty weblink leading straight to my cleverly uploaded ‘Rebecca is Amazing’ video application.

Result: The same kind of deafening silence as mentioned above.

Why?

Why, she snorts.

Because, dear Rebecca, you looked like a bloody weirdo psychopathic mass murderer auditioning for the lead role in Monsters Inc, that’s why.

Why oh why didn’t you realise that your half-crazed, crazily, leeringly enthusiastic, smile was no more tolerable to the general public than was Gordon Brown’s election-losing grin-grimace of pain?

Why oh why didn’t you realise that your half-crazed, flickering, darting eyes, opened about 5 cm too wide, going back and forward between the script and the webcam, were hardly likely to inspire anything other than fear and revulsion?

Why oh why didn’t you realise that your voice had a half-crazed tremulous, peculiar quality to it?

Why oh why didn’t you see that staring deeply and intently into the webcam (when your eyes weren’t doing the darting-flickering thing, of course), was only going to freak out anyone brave enough to watch this spectacle, and might, just might, put school directors off  letting you within a 50-mile radius of their teaching establishments?

Why oh why didn’t you realise that you looked and sounded like someone out on day release?

Anyway, so in short, that’s why I didn’t get those jobs.