Doing drugs Manhattan-style

14 Jan

A friend of a friend living on the Upper West Side told me a funny little anecdote:

She was at a Friday night dinner being chatted up by a dashing French fellow sitting beside her. All was going swimmingly until he suddenly threw an entirely random, and somewhat inappropriate, request at her. Here’s a rough version of how the conversation proceeded thereafter (bearing in mind the Gallic gentleman’s thick French accent):

-You ‘ave ‘potte’ in yourrr appartement?

-Pot? What kind of pot? (somewhat startled)

-You know, ‘potte’, jwoints, what you can smokk.

-What, pot as in marijuana?!

-Yes, exactlee! You ‘ave eet? We go smokke in yourr appartement?

-Hmmm, um, funnily enough, no, I don’t have any marijuana in my apartment.

-What you mean you don’t even ‘ave an emerrrgencee supply of potte? (sounding aghast)

-Emergency supply???

-Yes, you know, like you ‘ave zat emerrgencee fifty-dollar bill in case of emergencees- zat kind of sing.

-Umm, how can I put this? Look, I don’t even smoke the stuff for one thing, so certainly don’t have an emergency stash of it! And anyway, I keep Shabbat and you’re not allowed to smoke on Shabbat.

-Oh but it would create exactleee ze right ambiance forr Shabbat!

-Well, even if I wanted to, where would I even get hold of weed in Manhattan? I mean, where do you buy your pot here? Do you have a dealer?

– But we arrre in Man’attan – I get it delivered of courrse.

I love that punchline, delivered in that entirely matter-of-fact way.

Only in Manhattan!

PS. I suspect that it was not just a language barrier that prevented the two protagonists from deciding to take their relationship up to the next level.


9 Responses to “Doing drugs Manhattan-style”

  1. Aliza Hausman January 14, 2010 at 23:21 #

    Hysterical! Hysterical!

  2. ann January 15, 2010 at 18:41 #

    Delivery is the only way to go. Every place I’ve lived I’ve had it delivered to me. Chicago, NYC (Queens & Manhattan,) Austin, Memphis. And doesn’t take long in a new place to find the delivery man either. The Gov could balance its budget by taxing it.

  3. Jonathan Burg January 16, 2010 at 12:38 #

    Clearly no chance of progression – she’s into shopping and thinks he’s lazy for using delivery!

  4. rebeccainspace January 17, 2010 at 10:18 #

    Postscript: Since posting this um, post, I’ve had a few American friends say to me, sounding a bit surprised, “What, you mean they don’t deliver weed to your home in England?” The answer is, to the best of my knowledge, no of course they don’t! I assumed that the standard was for people to go to their dealers’ houses and pick it up. That’s why the idea of weed being delivered to your home, just like your dry-cleaning, was so funny to me – and so typically Manhattan, the land where convenience reigns 🙂

  5. rebeccainspace January 17, 2010 at 10:24 #

    Also see more comments at:

  6. Operation 420 April 11, 2011 at 20:16 #

    I guess Americans are known for smoking marijuana now? lol. Very funny write up, I enjoyed it.


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